Dear August

​Dear August,

It was five in the morning when we left the house to go to the airport. The driver drove in the highway, and it was the first time I saw the sun rises from Jakarta skyline.

The sky was dark, and there were a lot of city lights. I was never up on that hour until that day. The quiet sound of a busy city somehow brought peace.

At the airport we saw biracial couple hugged each other for quite a long time. I was in a long distance relationship, but I don’t think it can measure to what the two have. Something inside me broke that morning. 

I made what I considered big decision this month. It felt just as dark as that early morning. I was scared and confused. I lost my way once again.

They say it’s always the darkest before dawn, I didn’t know til then. The transition of night to day was frightening yet beautiful. The rarity of purple tinted sky in polluted city made everything seems poetic.

I did not see it coming, August. I thought you’d simply pass by without me noticing. But huge change happened. Some understanding acquired. Friendship deepened. And for the first time, I learned to choose the right choice.

There will be times when your best isn’t good enough. However as long as you’re doing your best, there shall never be any regret.

Life well lived, life so loved; I think I redefine the meaning of happiness.

Dear August, thank you for being true.

So I come home.

That yellow tinted sky as spring came to an end, when we were both too far to reach for each other; was very beautiful. I haven’t seen a sky like that since I came back.

That spring wind on one a.m when I walked to mini market with one of my most precious girl; I want to have it annually-every spring, every year.

The cold morning rain I woke up to, when the rest of the world was asleep. As I looked up to the grey tinted sky, I found God’s presence.

Those times I waited for the bus, the train,

the cold underground station where everyone lives in a rush.

The long phone-calls discussing nothing because the internet connection is too obnoxious for us to even talk about something.

All the adventures I went without you because I need some space.

You see, I long for everything you’re not into. You dislike rain, and you always mentions how the wind ruined your hair. You don’t spend time looking at the sky; you only care about buildings.

You like to drive around and you hate having to initiate the call. You long to be in my life, I long to be some place where I don’t know everyone. You’re content where you are; I’m dying to get out.

Yet you let me go; you let me run free.

So I come home.

 

Dear July

It’s safe to say that you’re my favorite month throughout 2016. Almost everyday when I wake up I hear the sound of rain falling to the earth, and the muted tone of morning rain always makes me feel inspired. I write a lot this month, and through words I got back to my feet.

The highlight of you would be the sudden visit from boyfriend. He has always been my one of my biggest fan, my best supporter. However, I know growth requires sacrifice; so in order for him pursuing his dream, he got to move place. I’m not sad or anything about his move, but things are easier when you have someone who’ll always be around. Be it wedding dates or quest to find the perfect shoes to go to that wedding.

To be honest I fell back to depression multiple times, but some of the darker part of you were cast away by some of my favorite people on earth. My gratitude to them is summed up on this quote;

“When it was dark, you always carried the sun in your hand for me.” – Sean O’Cassey, Three More Plays: The Silver Tassie, Purple Dust, Red Roses For Me (via Tumblr)

Do you remember the car ride alone when it was raining all day for like a week and I need to run errands? You were so kind in making the sky looked poetic. By the way, making poems out of sky and its colors is better than out of heart break. Just an opinion.

Regardless all the rain and wind and unexpected drop in temperature, I am thankful for the wonderful month. A lot of faith restored, and doubts melted into the scorching hot afternoon as I write this.

Dear July, thanks for being wonderful.

 

Moments

On one rainy afternoon of last year as I continued to do my research in the laboratory, I thought of how nice it would be if I were home instead. Having a nice solitude moment with a book, a cup of tea, and some paper to write on. It felt like the right thing to do because the sky has that perfect grey tint to it. It makes me want to create stories.

At that time I did not know I would miss my student life. University was hard, and I did not like the subject I was studying. It was time and energy consuming; not to mention the depression of the haunting ‘what-ifs’. I only finished on time just so my dad won’t need to pay my tuition for another semester. Also, the chaos of never-ending laboratories for another six months isn’t appetizing at all.

Right now, after almost a year leaving university I remember those rainy afternoons where things would seem so much softer, more forgiving that it was. I remember the friends without whom I wouldn’t know the gift of friendship. People who used to be one laboratory away, or one floor away, or one classroom away. Now that we all have a life on our own, moments like that are irreplaceable. These days I have been wishing; wishing I had enjoyed my student life more; wishing I did not complain as much as I did; wishing I had appreciated those moments as it happened.

I’m typing this post while listening to the sound of the rain outside my window. I always find it amusing when something sets me back to a moment which would be gone otherwise. Things like perfume, fabric softener scent, rainy mornings, or the touch of the wind on your face. In my solitude today I have my books, tea, the perfect grey tinted sky, and everything else in between. One day when life gets busier, I would remember this moment as I sip on a hot tea inside a brightly lit room with five other people, discussing a project.

Lessons learned; moments are meant to be embraced, not rushed.

The Piano Guy at Typical Apartment

A man comes out of the room

Wipes his glasses clean with a cloth

He opens the curtain

Takes a glance of that day’s sky

Then walks to the piano on the other side of the room

He sits on the chair

Hands gripping the soft leather cushion

Head tilted, he breathes in deep

Opens the lid

Begins to sing

One floor down a young woman

Whose life is spent rushing

Leans to a wall beside her

Closes her eyes

Dimples shown

One floor up an elderly couple

Listens

Forgets what they were just arguing about

Sunlight seeps through the window

The pianist hit the last note

Closing lid

Hands on the soft leather cushion

Feet on the soft velvet rug his wife bought 10 years ago

He doesn’t play under the spotlight

But he has an audience

Whose soul, unknowingly, he touched

Thanks, but no thanks.

One of the best advice I received this year is to not thank someone in a straight-forward manner. I received this advice yesterday as I roam through the depth of Tumblr. Here’s a link of the original post, and here’s my token of gratefulness to join Discover Challenge this week.

Mom, for being the social mirror in which I reflect myself upon and for being my hardest critique who had my back, I’m thankful of you. The same goes to you, Dad, you who makes me want to stand up and fight for my dream because you secretly believe in me.

For my annoying brother who randomly told me one night that he’ll see my name engraved in books and movie posters and has kept me going until now, I’m thankful of you.

For my friends who put me in the subscription list of her daily life, lend me emotional support and has given me the gift of knowing their vulnerability which makes me feel less alone and makes my feeling seems normal, I don’t know what I’d do without you.

And the last part is for the person who makes me look forward to weekend getaways, who has always been a weapon to fight my own self doubt, in whom I find my safe place, you are the reason I know I am loved. Deeply.

Crooked Heart

That day when I looked up, the sky was your favorite shade of blue. I wanted to take a picture and perhaps paint you one, but I know nothing compares to actually being where you are. Besides, I don’t paint.

That day when missing you hurts me and makes me feel so alone, I went out just to check on the sky. If it’s still as blue as you like it. Or if it becomes gray as I love it. The sky was neither. The tint of the sun setting makes it orange.

Until that day when we both have our dreams in our hands. Until that day when I can stand straight in front of you telling you that I live my life, I will love you with all of my crooked heart.

 

This time, last year

This time, last year I was just back from a month vacation to Japan. It was one of the most fulfilling vacation I’ve ever had up to that point and today I’m gonna walk down the memory lane with you.

The first week I was there I went on a tour around Japan, and our first stop is Asakusa Temple. Asakusa is one of the must-visit-place in Japan. Located in the heart of Tokyo, many people from many country can be found inside. The temple itself is huge and there were a lot of little stores inside. The best part which I did not take a picture of, is the food. Many street food like takoyaki can be found there, and they’re way cheaper than here in Indonesia.

Japan is a very clean country, even though I was having a hard time finding trash bin there. There was no clutter and all of the nature are preserved well. I think it has something to do with their religion. It was a nice change, after a cluttered view of the street in Indonesia and a lot of trashing everywhere, seeing this obviously opened my eyes.

We went up high to the Alpine route, the eternal snow place. It was the first snow I have ever seen in my life, and although it was cold, I can say Mount Fuji is colder. Here I can get away with three layers, while in Mount Fuji I ended up taking all the clothes I can find inside my bag and wear that outside. Alpine Route is beautiful and breath taking, I highly recommend to visit the place if you can.

It was the end of spring, but the wind and coldness lingered. That is why I always go to the vending machine to buy warm drinks. I like to hold it in between my hands and they have been my saviour for my almost numb hands! This royal milk tea tho, is my favourite.

The last spot we visited while I was with the tour is Osaka Castle. The view from the highest floor of the castle is a wow. From there you can almost see the whole city, and as always with high places, literally or not, when you come back down you have different perspectives of life.

We get to look around at Shinsaibashi for a couple hours afterwards, and I couldn’t help with all the cute places! I love how the downtown is a somewhat open space because malls in general makes me sick.

And this is the only decent picture I took on Kyoto, where my cousin lives. We went to several places but the one that I managed to snap is Kinkaku-ji. Kin means gold, hence The Gold Temple. If you think this picture is very calendar, then visit the place yourself. It was very very calendar that you won’t believe your eyes.

This vacation was an early graduation gift from my aunt and uncle. They were so kind and generous, and Japan is the first country I visited (beside Singapore). Because it was the first long flight I’ve ever been into I was terrified, but once I was seated I feel okay. It was great.

This time last year, I was having a hard time moving on. I still kind of do even now. The most addicting thing about travel is the new you who comes back. Opening your eyes to the world and experiencing new things are great, and it shapes who you are when you come back.

Until next post!

From Japan with love,

Yvonne

Temporary

In the spring wind of last year when I waited for the bus to come, oblivious of my surrounding as I chew on the cinnamon bun, I thought of you. And how everything in this life may, or may not be temporary.

You told me million time how you love me, in that sugary sweet tea, the last bite of cake, and how you amuse the idea of me getting inked. You endure the pain of my words without spitting the same sword-like words back. In you I find my happy place, someone I call home. Somewhere I yearn to be.

If this is temporary I want it to lasts as long as I live. If this is temporary I want the world to see, that even though it’s intangible, even though we don’t carved each other’s wrist with the word forever, it creates impact.

About Kindness

The thing I admire the most about people is their kindness. When a person is kind to the other person, especially in hotels and restaurant which one of the key thing they sell is service, kindness is highly appreciated.

I’m not saying this because I work in a restaurant or because my loved one is a hotelier. I’m saying this because I have insight from inner circle people who works in service industry.

Having all of them surrounding me certainly changes how I interact with people on daily basis. I learn to say thanks, I learn to smile when I order things from the menu book, and I learn to appreciate their smile as well.

My boyfriend said this to me once upon a while, a job that makes you more human is a good job. Although I cannot see myself as a service person because I don’t have the heart to be one, I’m grateful to have the social mirror I need to keep my feet on the ground. It’s easy to be clouded by our own bad day and anxieties. It’s easy to want to be understood. But it’s nicer when you understand.

This post is frankly also a reminder for myself, so that wherever I go, I’ll choose to be kind. I hope you will too.

Now tell me, what is the kindest thing you almost do?